It’s The Little Things. :)

I had to pick up a few things at Kroger this morning. The are remodeling my Kroger so things are a bit of a mess but when I walked through the doors, the most beautiful site met my eyes.

Starbucks.

Yes, soon, I will be able to sip a caramel frappucinno while grocery gaming. That’s a happy thing!

The Kankelfam is very busy with KSBJ’s Shareathon this week! Thank you so much to all of you who listen and/or support KSBJ financially. We feel like all of the KSBJ “family” is our family too.

Blessings!

The Gratitude Campaign

This is such a great idea!

The Gratitude Campaign

Abby’s Last Day of School

These are a little late being posted but here are two pictures from Abby’s last day of school.

In the first, she’s checking out her preschool diploma and in the second, you can see our beloved Mrs. Tucker. Abby LOVES Mrs. Tucker and so do we!

How Do I Get There From Here?

I’ve been asking myself that question over and over again.

I don’t know what to do now.

It’s not really about the miscarriage. While it is disappointing, it isn’t a major tragedy in my life. That isn’t to say that it isn’t devastating to some, but I have been dealing with it pretty well.

But, Abby’s condition has been a major tragedy in my life. And, I guess the miscarriage has just made me feel even more “picked on”.

Last night, I read Angie Smith’s blog post about the threshing floor. It was so moving and so spiritually insightful. She is amazing.

I’m not like her. I’m not amazing. I haven’t turned to God and built an altar on my threshing floor. I don’t. even. want. to. I’m tired of being sifted.

So, how do I get there from here?

How do I get to the place where I’m no longer so angry about what has happened to my daughter? I never pray for anything for myself. All my prayers are for her, and recently, for the safety and health of my unborn child.

I want my prayers to be answered and I want to feel close to Him. But, I don’t know how to get there from here.

My heart is going to have to change and it is going to take work. I’m not sure how to accomplish it but I’m going to have to trust God that He will help me. Right now, I’m choosing to trust in Him even though everything within me tells me I shouldn’t.

Is this what it is all about? Trusting Him despite all of your circumstances?

I think it is.

I don’t like it. But, I think it is.

Like Angie said in her post, if your sacrifice doesn’t cost you something, it doesn’t mean much. I think I’ve been holding on to my hurt and indignation and wrapping it around me like a security blanket. To sacrifice that will cost me something. He says he’ll give us beauty in return for our ashes, comfort in return for our tears. I never realized, until now, that those ashes and tears would be my sacrifice to Him.

This Week’s Top 5

Ok, after the week I’ve had this seems stupid. But, I’m going to try it anyway.

1. I got horrible news but somehow, through it, I managed to maintain a good attitude for most of each day. I kept plugging away.

2. I kept my house clean!

3. I went grocery gaming for the first time in ages. I saved 50%.

4. I decided to start doing Weight Watchers again and I worked out twice.

5. Once again, I wrestled with God, questioned everything and threatened to just quit. But, I’m still here and I will be ok. I’m broken, spent and angry. But, I will be ok. I’m tired of the struggle. But, somehow, I will keep going. I’m not sure how to get there from here. I’m going to try anyway.

And for that, I hold my head high.

Pregnancy Update

I had another ultrasound today and it showed that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. So, this little one has taken an early entrance into heaven.

We are disappointed but we are fine. This, unfortunately, happens to many, many people and we are not exempt. It was still very early in my pregnancy and there were some problems so we knew this was a possibility.

I learned from this. I don’t blame myself but next time, I’ll be more grateful and less worried.

Despite this news, I feel very blessed. It was so wonderful to be able to come home to Abby and give her a big kiss!

Thank you for all the prayers and encouragement!

This is why Compassion International is so FANTASTIC.

Love is Here

This Week’s Top 5

I don’t know about you but I am EXTREMELY hard on myself. I really need to give myself a break. I’m not nearly as hard on anyone else as I am on myself and really, that is pretty arrogant. If they are ok, why aren’t I?

But, I was reading Christi’s blog today and she had a thing for awhile where she was posting 5 good things about herself every day. Everyday would be a struggle for me. I don’t blog anything everyday. LOL But, I think it would be good for me to do once a week. Sunday is as good a day as any so here goes:

The Top 5 positive Things About Me For the Past Week.

1. I got my house C L E A N. Yay ME! (And Michael!)
2. I encouraged a friend.
3. I cooked dinner. TWICE! (This hasn’t happened in awhile)
4. I spent some serious time in prayer over a situation that doesn’t involve my family.
5. I came up with some positive things about myself! (I know, cheating!)

Ok, that was hard! Why is it so hard? I challenge you to do the same thing for yourself. Leave me a comment and let me know how it goes!

A Baby Name Suggestion From Luke.

My friend, Stacey, has two great kids, Rowan and Luke. They are a source of endless giggles for me and I love the stuff they come up with.

Luke has suggested a name for the baby.

He thinks we should name the baby “Superbaby”.

Superbaby Kankelfritz

It sounds good, don’t you think?

GOOD NEWS!!!!!

My hormone levels are up! So, that is GREAT news!

Now, I’m just praying Kankelbaby’s heart rate will be a little faster when I have my ultrasound on Tuesday.

But for now, it’s all wonderful news. Praise the Lord!